January 22, 2009

From the AP. I shit you not.

“After the flub heard around the world, President Barack Obama has taken the oath of office. Again. Chief Justice John Roberts delivered the oath to Obama on Wednesday night at the White House — a rare do-over. The surprise moment came in response to Tuesday’s much-noticed stumble, when Roberts got the words of the oath a little off, which prompted Obama to do so, too.”

“The flub heard round the world”!!! I told you all – YOU HAVE TO SAY THE MAGIC WORDS. Or else you’re not president. Didn’t you see “Army Of Darkness?” Ash has to say the words exactly – “Klaatu Verata Niktu” – but he forgets them and fucks it up. So then what happens? The army of skeletons rises and attacks the castle! And the last time I checked there was no do-over. They had to defeat the skeleton army on the field of battle. This is EXACTLY LIKE “ARMY OF DARKNESS.”

And then I caught this in the same article:

“The president said he did not have his Bible with him.”

He screwed it up AGAIN!! This is truly the dumbest almost-president ever. First he was going to use the Koran and swear in as Sultan Hussein I, and now he does this little atheist oath (he probably had a mini-Koran in his back pocket)? I’m sorry, the Constitution’s quite clear on this one: no Bible = no Jesus = no president. Simple as that. Chris Wallace, back me up on this? An ordinary man becomes President ONLY when he speaks the magic words and, through the mystical forces of the Bible, is embued, via the Holy Spirit, with sacred Presidentness. Unless he crosses his fingers behind his back, which is a different story (Clinton did this and that, among other reasons, is why he was never actually president).

I’m not sure what this means right now. The only thing I know for sure is that Barack Hussein Obama has forfeited the presidency. I THINK it goes to Dick Cheney, but rumor has it Sarah Palin is on her way to Washington. If Cheney rises from his wheelchair and walks again on two legs, then we’ll know.

Our government exists mostly for our entertainment, doesn’t it?


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