Laundry Jesus

November 28, 2009

For some reason, this was one of the top stories on last night:

“A Massachusetts woman who recently separated from her husband, had her hours at work cut, and moved into an apartment, says an image of Jesus Christ she sees on her iron has reassured her that ‘life is going to be good.'”

I for one am glad to see the Boston Globe (which operates on top of these stories. The paper has been having some hard times lately, and stories like this can go a long way toward making the newspaper more relevant. Who says print media is dead?

I also think that Jesus appearances are a serious issue in this country that aren’t given enough attention. Here he is recently in Clearwater, Florida:

Here he is again on a grilled cheese sandwich:

He has also appeared in the form of a Cheeto:

And, well, here:

And he’s not alone. His mother has been popping up all over the place – she’s especially fond of windows.

A recent study has shown that Jesus appears 14.7 times more than all non-Jesus and non-Jesus’s-mother deities combined. Jesus and his mom account for nearly 92% of all deity sighting in the United States since records started to be kept by the US Air Force’s Project Christbook in 1953.

What does Jesus want? Why an iron? Why a Cheeto? Why a dog’s asshole? Is there a pattern? A meaning? Is he trying to tell us something? And what should you do when Jesus appears on your iron? Use it more (make your clothes holy)? Never use it again (don’t burn Jesus!)? Is there a hotline to call?

The librul media and Obama clearly don’t want us to have answers to these questions. Thank God for the Boston Globe getting to the bottom of these stories.